dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
