Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
