She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
