Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
