During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
