I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
