just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
