okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
