girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
