I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Randomize
