OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Too much gin, very little bucket
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
