Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
