chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
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