Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
