Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
