i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
