So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
