My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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