why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I am midnight drunk by noon
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
