just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
