So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
