i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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