Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
