Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Randomize
