I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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