Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
