Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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