I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
