Kiss
Puke
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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