Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
