You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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