Will you blow on my dice?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
