I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
