My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
