Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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