Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
