Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
