Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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