Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
