can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
