Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
