no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
