I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
