do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
