what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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