I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
