Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
