next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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