This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
