Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
