You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
